Changes , Challenges and Continuations

A lot has transpired since my last post. The spring started with such hope for an exciting season- for new adventures and taking up off challenges. However, things have changed and so a different journey begins. 

A few weeks ago my friend's horse experienced an illness and so she has had to move her horse home to her house as she can no longer be out on grass. Francis and I took a day to help them glorify the old paddock- we added electric fence, fixed gates, lent them rubber mats for a stall,cleaned out the back of the shed, gave them some hay and generally helped get everything "shipshape- or I should say "horse shape". 

Restoring a paddock for Pippa

This has made a huge change to the visions I had for my summer and it brought me great sadness. I found myself crying uncontrollably for days. I knew Raphi would also miss his dear friend as would I mine. However, along with the help of some herbal remedies, Raphi has adjusted well. He now doesn't care about being in the barn alone, and is much more interested in the people that hang around there. He still is far more likely to  give kisses to Francis than he is to me,but overall he is gentler,softer, and is much more interested in me. Part of the reason may very well be the horse cookies I've been feeding him! Marina was making them but now I have the recipe ( my first batch did not turn out as well as Marina's) but he still gobbles them up. In fact, they have actually helped me entice him into the trailer- now that's an accomplishment! I have adjusted by turning what I saw as a negative and looking for the positive in it. I am now much more interesting to him than I was, and am now acceptable as a friend even. I will miss my riding partner and barn mate, but I have hope that this will have advantages. I have taken him out in the fields twice- once he was so good- the other time not so much but it was hot and the flies were bad,however, there were no hysterics ike previously if I asked him to leave Pippa. 

There have been lots of updates in the barn:

• the tack is now housed in the locker and not in the tack room/lounge. The lounge is now official as we decided we would move an old set of patio furniture up there so it is really cozy now. I still tend to sit on a stool near Raphi's stall lol. 
• The window sill in the lounge has become MIss Kitty's home ( my lost post was about Miss Kitty- I will try to rewrite it ); she eats on one of the bookshelves ( so the dogs can't polish of her food) 
• the bookshelves now contain my books full of riding exercises for easy reference before my ride. However, I really do need a bulletin board/post by the ring to hang them on for reference asI for the life of me can't remember them once I'm riding
• wash stall is now completed with special rubber mats, ground leveled, retaining walls built
  
• beautification by adding hanging basket near the barn door( my other passion is gardening and I LOVE flowers)

• rock retaining wall by the barn door to stop rain and dirt washing in the barn when we have heavy rainfalls
• the bench Francis restored is now outside and I have used in on several hot days just to sit and admire and " be present" in the moment
• main alleyway has been repaired
• present cement jack hammered  out,wheelbarrowed out of the barn, footing for a wall across the alleyway poured 
• new cement poured to level off floor by other stalls
• gravel and stone dust added into alleyway as base for rubber mats
• cement levelled off in the utility area so now both lockers are against one wall and the blanket rack can be used again
• the original horseshoes embedded in the cement when Dave did some work in the barn for me were saved and put back in place at the entrance of each stall and in the utility area ( where the manure forks,broom, shovel live)
• the stall doors all had to be removed and trimmed to account for the new mats
• rubber mats placed down entire alleyway ( I will post a picture of this later as I don't seem to have one today)

Below are a sequence of pictures showing the restoration of the barn floor.

Old cement removed and forms made

Cement poured in utility area and in front of stalls

Francis making cement

New cement floors

Utility area with horse shoes!

Gravel on top of stone rubble

Gravel all compacted and ready for stone dust

Stone dust down and compacted- ready for rubber mats

Just so you have an idea of Francis' efficiency and dedication this project- it took him two days to get all the cement out and forms made and another two days to get all the new cement poured, gravel and stone dust done!! He really has an EverReady Bunny battery installed in him somewhere....😜

There is going to be wall built across the alleyway about where the wheelbarrow is in the picture-  to divide the New and Old sections are- for aesthetics and also if we winter horse(s) it will be to help keep the barn warmer??? 

Preparations, Practicalities & Realizations

This entry was actually written a couple of months ago, just before I went to collect Raphi from where he spent the winter. I couldn't get the pictures to load properly and so it has taken me until now to snag some time from Francis to help fix this. However, while working on this tonight he accidently deleted one whole post, so I am nots ure if I will be able to rewrite it.Hence I am going ahead and posting what I have thus far.

SO here is the late entry#1.... from mid April 2018


I'm really not sure why I am sitting down to write this entry as I do realize it is rather egocentric of me to think that anyone besides myself would really have any interest on what I write about but I am doing it anyway. Perhaps it is because I want to reassure myself that I can find joy in life despite not all things being perfect. It can be easy to focus on the negative things, what is going wrong- or at least it seems that is my default if you will. I struggle constantly with this and my horse and writing somehow helps me change this. I have always been a caudal-cephalic type learner- in other words, if I don't write things down myself, I don't retain the information. Hence while I was studying for my degrees online, I always had to print off all the articles, assignments, etc and be able to feel the pages, jot down notes, underline things etc. This makes a connection between the information and my brain. So, I am realizing by writing down positive things  I feel happier -hence my "blogging". I've had a tough few days for various reasons and so I think it is time for me to blog--so you now have to endure reading it! Catharsis for my soul...

I think the other reason I am blogging is that it is a way for me to keep my memories alive- to not forget about things that happen to me, my thoughts..You see many years ago now ( Oct 2007/Jan 2008) I went and worked as a civilian critical care nurse for the Canadian Armed Forces in Kandahar ,Afghanistan at the Role 3 Multinational Medical Unit (MMU). While I was there I wrote a lot of my thoughts/feelings down in messages and emails to home. I regret that I do not have a copy of those messages/emails anymore. Although for some reason I did find 2 of them on my computer one night. You see when I went to Afghanistan I was in a tough stage of my life. I was going to share the details but have since deleted them... not sure I want to bear my soul quite that much in public. However, I did come back with a different outlook- it reinforced to me that I HATE conflict, am capable of and will ALWAYS forgive someone no matter how much I may have been hurt by them ( well not true, there are two exceptions). I also think that I need to process the hurt better, because although I forgive, I am learning that the "hurt" can still stay deep inside our souls and with it stays a deep sadness- the trick is now learning how to process all that angst and release it.... and I'm officially working on that part. NOT easy... It seems I am rather a bit of an emotional sponge as it were.... now have to figure out how to squish it all out....

So now onto the joyous part..... 

Over the winter Francis added lovely cupboards to the feed room-complete with counter top and a sink. These are repurposed from his  friend's condo that was flooded last spring.New feed bins were sourced and placed-- all ready to be filled with the various components of Raphi's very select diet. He eats better than  we do I think!


Preparations are underway for Raphi's homecoming. We are going to get him the weekend of April 28/29. It was supposed to be this weekend but Mother Nature has not cooperated! There is still LOTS of snow here but the forecast for next week is great (+14 C) so hopefully it will all vanish.This morning Francis pulled out the trailer so he can check it over. Last night I went to Marina's to borrow her spare tire for her trailer ( we have the same make/model of trailer- how convenient is that??!!). For some reason I want to be prepared "just in case" and Marina says I need to honour that feeling. I have a spare as well so now I have two for the journey. I have purchased antacid and "chill" ) a herbal anti-anxiety thing) for my dear boy as it worked wonders for him on the trip down in the fall. He was calm and relaxed the whole trip  and even ate during the journey ( a good sign of relaxation). Francis has built new mangers in the stalls. 

The aim of this is to help relieve stress on Raphi's shoulder as when fed from the ground he sprawls his left leg forward all the time- from my research this winter it appears that eating constantly in this position can influence uneven muscling of the shoulders and also affect hoof shape/development.I always thought that "ground feeding" was most natural for horses but from the reading I have done, they say wild horses graze on forage at different heights -they eat short grasses, long grasses, nibble leaves from up on tree branches etc. So I will simulate this. He will have a hay net hung for higher feeding, a manger in the stall, and when outside he will graze from the ground. This is what he has had all winter,and his shoulder movement has improved, ( largely due to saddle being refitted) and his muscle has improved a bit.

 I am hoping that he will be a good boy to get in the trailer. I have asked Chelsea to start telling him that he is coming home soon...to the field, his stall, and of course Pippa.Part of me feels guilty about him coming home. Chelsea is the amazing young lady who has had him since November. She was his previous owner ( but not who I bought him from)- she knew him during his racing days, nursed him through his broken leg, and owned him for several years after he retired from racing. They have a very special bond and Raphi (or Gary as she calls him) absolutely adores her. Chelsea has kept me informed of how he's been doing, and has  sent me pictures, texts and videos on a regular basis.  They will both be sad I think when they are separated again... I am just hoping he will understand and that his life with me here is worth it. Who knows, perhaps he will go back next winter.....

I bought a new saddle last fall as my old one just did not fit him properly. I knew it did not fit properly last winter and struggled with the idea of getting a new one. A saddle is a very personal thing-- it has to fit both horse and rider. I struggled not only because of the expense of a new one, but there is no great place to purchase one near here. I ordered a couple to try but they either didn't fit me or him. Very disheartening as it meant that I also couldn't ride much last year ( along with all the rain!).But it was more than that that hindered me. It was the fact that I was emotionally attached to my old one. Years ago I  dreamed of having a great saddle-but reality was that I would never be able to afford one.  But my grandmother died Jan 1 2000 and she bequeathed me some money. I used some of that to buy my "dream" saddle. That saddle sits on a wooden horse in my living room. The wooden horse was the last Christmas gift I received from my ex-husband. Both these items are treasured, remnants of lost loves, and poignant reminders of some great times in my life and people who I shared my life and heart with.I haven't managed to sell my saddle yet ( seems no one considers my "dream" saddle, their dream saddle)but I have managed to reach a place where I now could let it go.  I finally realized that if I sold my saddle to replace it with another that would allow me to enjoy my passion of riding then I was still honouring my grandmother's gift.  My grandmother was never a rider herself, but I think she recognized the passion in me, as the same passion of my great aunt Jane, who was an avid horsewoman in her day. She died at a young age and I am in fact named for her- my middle name is Jane. ( oops just realized I did it again- off on a tangent- nothing about practicality but an emotional out pouring of "stuff"--sorry 

The new saddle I bought although comfy for me, did not fit Raphi perfectly and despite my attempts at making it work, it just never did. I realized that I would have to have it customized to him  as his muscling over his shoulders is so different that without the fitting/adjustments it sat crookedly on him and hence so did I. I took advantage of a professional saddler in the Toronto area while Raphi was with Chelsea.Chelsea was such a huge help in this regard- coordinating the first fitting, doing the requisite rides before the final check. I went down in February to ride and get the final "okay" from the saddler.... Chelsea says that he seems comfortable in it now...and I have hope that it will continue to work well for us both.

Several weeks ago I bought hay and that is safely stowed away in the barn loft covered with a tarp to prevent pigeon poop from getting on it.  I also researched hay this winter- which is the best for horses prone to ulcers. I was always told :horsehay" was first cut timothy/alfalfa mix. Turns out that is not the best for horses with ulcers. Research shows that the rapid spring growth in grasses makes the grass very "stemmy" and coarse. Hard for digestion. Second cut, and especially alfalfa hay is softer and has a a high calcium content which helps prevent ulcers. Makes sense when you think that human TUMS are calcium based....So I went searching for second cut alfalfa hay-- VERY hard to find around here but did find some, although the alfalfa content is not that high. I found out that is another reason he has done so well this winter- his hay is second cut 80% alfalfa. You can see that although Raphi has not been with me all winter, he has been on my mind and keeping me busy in other ways-researching lol.I also spent the winter doing an online riding course so I am better prepared when he gets home-- loads of exercises for us to experiment with to help prevent boredom while hopefully getting me back in shape. I was going to do yoga all winter but I'm dismal at following through on exercise... So I have nowhere to go but up in that department.

I picked up his grain  last week and have also arranged for Chelsea to pick up two bags of special feed that she has had him on. Unfortunately, I can't get the type of feed locally or even in Ottawa - unfortunate as it seems that it does a great job on keeping his weight on and muscling him up. I have spent days researching different brands/types - checking ingredients ( soybean,beet pulp,flax, versus grains such as corn, percentages of protein, fat, NSC( sugar). I have ordered his supplements that Chelsea has had him on all winter- probiotics, a hoof strengthener, and also something to help prevent ulcers as this seems to be a chronic issue with him. He really does get better nutrition than I do!

Francis has  built two amazing new lockers for Marina and I for all our horsey gear.. Another case of Sue "design", Francis "do"😃.Well, okay I cheated a bit on the design part. Chelsea has a locker that is similar and it inspired me to go and search the Internet for images. We used that image as the "blueprint.  They will eventually go side by side but for now they are facing each other as the cement floor needs to be levelled/repaired. The handles are not yet attached... I was thinking of using old horseshoes again, but Francis is not  so keen. He wants something that can be locked...not sure that is a requirement at this point in time but can't hurt I guess. The lockers will mean that my blanket rack has to be moved a bit but again a small task for the talented Francis.

The tasks left to do are: reseal the rubber matting, hook up the water line in the barn, drag out the water trough.Those are all beyond me so I will need help hint, hint....

 This winter has been a long and tough one for various reasons. All the harder that my "muse" has not been with me but so it begins.... another spring, fresh beginnings,new hopes and aspirations....I