I know it's been a long time since I posted anything on the blog about the barn restoration.... this has been for several reasons. The first and most difficult one for me to work around was that Francis changed jobs last year and before he handed back in his Blackberry he "reformatted" it - in other words he erased everything that he had put on it. So he was the one taking all the progress pictures as my iphone pictures are crappy quality, plus I'm often not around as I may be working, so am not there to take them. So I don't have a lot of pictures of "work in progress".
The second reason,and in reality is probably, the biggest reason,is that despite me saying I wouldn't let the scathing comments made by a certain person ( aka cyberbully) deter me, it did. They did manage to suck the life and joy I found in this project completely away. Perhaps it really is time I let that go and try to recapture the joy. I find writing very cathartic for my soul..I get to relive moments that have made a huge impact on me- whether that is joy or sadness... either way it is a way for me to process those emotions.
The third reason,is that I got discouraged by my efforts to transform the blog into a book. You see, I had this brilliant idea to make the renovation and story of the barn "journey: into a gift for Francis. It was supposed to be his Christmas gift in 2016.... but things did not quite go according to plan. Multiple days of work would suddenly "not save", photos would "fail to import" and so I gave up, quit, became defeated by the task. It took me months and the only entries I had managed to get done were the first two months of blog entries! I felt like I would never be able to do it. So I let it rest and percolate for awhile. Then when I went back to restart, the program did an"update" which would not load and I seemed to lose all the work I had done. SO again,I threw my hands in the air, cried a few tears and admitted defeat. So for months, I have neither blogged nor attempted the book. But I've just decided this week to try again. I managed to get the book "unlost",got the program to work( still not really user friendly) and am now up to June 2016! All winter I have sat at home bored and now spring is around the corner ( I live in eternal hope it will come soon .......) and life will be busy,I am motivated again. I'm hoping to get at least the first year done in time for a certain person's birthday... or Christmas....
As to the barn, not a huge amount of really visible changes have happened... but they are significant. Last summer Francis installed electricity and water in the barn, and did landscaping outside. Francis built a real "feed room"(complete with cupboards) over the winter,we spent time sourcing out grain bins, designed tack lockers( one completed- another in progress), and added mangers to the stalls. He had wanted to start work on the last part of replacing the outside wall, but the wind was kind of knocked out of our sails when we realized the foundation at the far end of barn is in worse shape than we realized... and that will have to be remedied before we can do the supporting wall... going to get expensive again :(.We are still trying to figure out how to do it....It will involve shoring up the far end of the barn somehow ...and getting the weight of the barn off the foundation, pouring/ repairing the cement, and then rebuilding the support wall- then putting the barn back onto it.
Last summer I was also dealing with some issues as I couldn't find a saddle to fit Raphi,so really couldn't do any serious riding, it seemed to rain every day off I had anyway...and so I just spent time mostly "hanging out with him" instead. I think my saddle issue is resolved ( for now at least) and I can only hope the weather will be more conducive this year. Raphi has spent the winter away in Hamilton and is due home April 30... perhaps that is why I have lacked motivation... and am now getting re-energized? My horse has very much become my "joie de vivre".... I hope my family are not insulted by that and can understand that a passion never replaces anyone, just is away for me to find joy, keep my self busy and not feel so lonely- as that is a demon I have come to struggle with. I know I need to work on myself, and I think somehow my horse helps me discover things about myself, about life, things that I struggle with.... and I hope this in turn will help me be a better me.
